I absolutely miss all our people back home. And I can’t wait to see everyone! BUT I am not quite ready to go. I thought I’d be so ready to go. I’m not. I think I’m the only Marshall feeling this way. Kids are hard to read. Well, Elle and Wes are ready to get back to our lives in Denver. Back to normal. Not sure about Mae and Luke. They don’t say much either way. But as for me…I feel good about going home, but I’m not dying to go. I’m surprised I feel this way. We have 24 hours left in Australia, and I wasn’t expecting to feel like this.
I truly thought after gypsy living, all I’d want is my own house. My own bed. I was sure I’d be sick of my family and tired of living out of a suitcase. I thought I’d be exhausted and ready for the comforts of home…and Amazon & Target. Nope. Not how I’m feeling. Who knew?
I have given it some thought and I think I know what’s going on. A few things, actually (and it is good news!) And it’s really about me…personally and not the whole family. I can’t speak for them. Debbie doesn’t want to leave Australia. And that’s actually a good thing. Here’s why.
The Power of Positive Pants: One reason that I’m not dying for this journey to end is because it has been so damn good. It hasn’t been super difficult, and therefore I’m not anxious for it to be done and over. It’s been a positive experience. We have made it good, so I don’t want it to end. Sabbatical life and Australia both suit me. We’ve made the best of our time here so I don’t have an urge to make it stop. On the contrary, I could keep going. Ending on a positive note feels really good. What a great way to leave. Not burnt out. No “get me outta here” feelings. Hating to leave is a tribute to what an amazing journey it’s been.
So far away: I freaking love Australia. Australia, as it turns out, is very far away from America. Therefore, this goodbye, may not be forever, but it feels like a really big goodbye. When we left Denver, I knew we’d be right back. I don’t know when I’ll be back to Australia and I don’t like that feeling. I’m actually getting misty eyes as I type this. Every summer we leave Cape Cod…I know we will be back next year and that’s a great feeling. I know in my heart I will return to Australia, but it won’t be soon and I don’t know when. I fell in love with this country. I knew I would. I just knew it. I don’t want to stay forever. I just wish I could stay longer or visit often. I don’t know about the rest of the Marshalls….you’ll have to ask them. But I fell in love. I feel so lucky I got to spend this much time in this gorgeous country. So lucky. For the record, I also love America. Promise. This isn’t about comparing the 2 countries or liking Oz better (although if you want to compare… the coffee and beaches are wayyyyyy better here.)
Sabbatical Life: After summer break, we are all usually ready to get back to the routine and structure of the school year. However,after 6 months, I have really gotten used to this pace of life and it’s been good for me. I’m not excited to get back to the reality and intensity of normal life. I do think once we return to the US, all that will change and I’ll slowly return to real life. For now, I’m dreading big grocery shopping trips and driving and school choice…blah blah blah. I love living with a small amount of possessions. We really escaped life, and I know in my heart that can’t last forever. It been really, really good for my soul and part of the reason I feel changed.
Family time: The “togetherness” been the hardest part and the absolute biggest blessing. The greatest gift.
The Ocean: I have enjoyed living near the ocean more than I can explain. There is a previous blog post about it. It’s my happy place. Literally, it makes me a happier person. I will miss this so much. Landlocked does NOT suit me.
Now: I may actually be really excited about coming home and I don’t know it. Because I’m truly living in the moment. Not in some awesome/zen way, but out of necessity. I’m laser focused on our travel and packing and making sure we are where we need to be and our stuff is all organized. I truly can’t think too many steps ahead. That may be a big part of it.
With 24 hours left here, that’s where my head is at. I have a strong suspicion, I will feel differently once we get on the plane and once we land in America. I bet I will feel very differently when we head back to Denver and walk into our house. To be honest, I occasionally have some worries about the transition and adjustment to life back home. For now…I am leaving in 24 hours kicking and screaming (totally exaggerating.) Knowing me, I’ll be very happy to arrive on Cape Cod and Connecticut and thrilled to be back in Denver. I bloom where I’m planted.